General Information

Sexual Health

Today I want to share with you some information I received through an e-mail from Smart Marriages. Sex is often a topic that can be joked about, yet not seriously discussed. From this article it is evident that sex in marriage is good for you.

“Researchers have linked sex to better immune protection and to a lower risk of prostate cancer. One study found men with more frequent ejaculations (21 or more a month) had a lower risk of prostate cancer compared to men with four to seven ejaculations monthly.” All the men are high fiving each other now because they can tell their wives, “You don’t want me to get cancer do you?” Just remember guys, if you treat your wives well you will get all the sex you can handle. See other entries in the blog for pointers.

Part of the article spoke about resuming sex after a heart attack. The good news is that most people can resume sexual activity after a heart attack. For those concerned that sex could bring on a heart attack the article says: “In reality, only about one half of one percent of fatal heart attacks occur after sexual activity, and 80 percent of these involve extramarital affairs or persons having sex with much younger partners.” Again, we see that sex is safest within marriage. There can be deadly consequences for straying.

Be REAL with one another and enjoy sex within your marriage frequently. You will both be healthier for it.

Sex after the baby is born

Many parents report a reduction in the amount of sex they have following the birth of a baby. Preganancy and the time following childbirth is the time that many people enter affairs. This does not have to be the case in your marriage. Click here for an MSN article with tips on maintaining your sex life after the birth of your child.

To have a REAL marriage you need to be married on purpose. You need to be intentional about your marriage and have a plan for keeping it at the level you want or for making it better. Maintaining your sex life is a critical part of your REAL marriage. Read the article in the link above and keep your sex life satisfying even after the birth of your child.

Reconciliation Day

Today is Reconciliation Day. Is there reconciliation that needs to take place in your marriage? Today is a good day to start that process. Do you need to reconcile with someone else? Today is a good day to start. Maybe you need to forgive someone or even yourself. Today is a good day to start.

For more information on forgiveness check out this blog entry. Click here for another helpful website on forgiveness and reconciliation.

Reconciliation is an important part of your REAL marriage.

Tips for a Happy (REAL) Marriage

To keep your marriage happy and especially to keep it REAL, it is good to hear what other couples are doing and to spend time with other couples. Sometimes you actually get together with other couples and at other times you listen to them on television or the radio, and then sometimes you read about them. Today you get to read about them.

I am passing on an article entitled, “5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day.” I really like the woman who gives sticky notes to her husband (keep sending those REAL Love Notes) and I agree whole heartedly with the couples who pray and share a sprititual life together.

Information like this article keep us informed, encouraged, and sometimes provide new ideas for our marriage adventure. Use these ideas to keep your marriage REAL.

The Cost and Cure of Out-of-wedlock Childbirth

An article posted this last Thursday on Slate has caught my attention this morning. Click here to see an article about out-of-wedlock births. This article lists some of the current research on the cost to society of out-of-wedlock births. It also suggests that women give more thought to having sex with someone they are not willing to have as a husband and that waiting to marriage is a more stable situation for having children. By implication it suggest men should not have sex with someone they would not be willing to have as a wife.

We have long known that divorce and out-of-wedlock births result in pain to those involved and there has also been indication that there is a financial cost to divorce and out-of-wedlock birth. On April 15th the Institute for American Values, in cooperation with the Georgia Family Council, the Institute for Marriage and Public Policy, and Families Northwest, releases a report entitled, “The Taxpayer Costs of Divorce and Unwed Childbearing: First-Ever Estimates for the Nation and all 50 States.”

With divorce and unwed childbearing costing so much pain and taxpayer money it seems to me that we should do something about these events. My plan is simple to understand and more difficult to implement yet it is possible. We need to act on personal, community, and governmental levels.

On the personal level:

  1. Learn about mate selection by taking a course or reading good material or both.
  2. Wait until marriage to engage in sex.
  3. Take advantage of premarital education once you are engaged.
  4. When you are married maintain your marriage by taking marriage enrichment classes, going to seminars and retreats and reading books that will help you have a good and healthy marriage.

On the community level:

  1. Churches need to lead the way in providing the education listed above. Most people are married in a church and it is the church’s responsibility to provide good education.
  2. We need to support marriage.
  3. We need to support chastitity until marriage.
  4. We need to discourage divorce.

On the governmental level:

  1. Government can support education regarding the full spectrum of consequences of sex outside of marriage.
  2. Government can support marriage and remove or change laws that inadvertantly discourage marriage.
  3. Government can make divorce more difficult.
  4. Government can increase its effectiveness in holding father’s accountable for taking responsibility for their children.

This is not everything we can do. It is a good start.

A Happy Marriage is good for your Bloodpressure

A happy marriage is good for your blood pressure and your heart according to a study done by Brigham Young University. An article about the study was placed on MSN in their health and fitness section. This study confirms what many of all already know, a good marriage is good for you. So to boost your heart health and keep your blood pressure low, work on your marriage! You will be happier and healthier if you keep your marriage REAL.

The above is not medical advice but relationship advice. Please follow the directions of your medical professional regarding your health and any treatment for medical purposes.

Sex in Marriage is Best

The current news about New York governor Eliot Spitzer highlights what those in the marriage movement have been saying for some time now – sex, in marriage, is best. Governor Spitzer now has to deal with the consequences of his infidelity. His behavior is now having negative consequences on his marriage, his wife, and his daughters. Though he may not recognize it, his behavior makes it more likely that his daughters will experience infidelity in their relationships. I am fairly certain he never wished such a thing for his daughters.

Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, in their book The Case for Marriage, devote an entire chapter to the sexaul advantages of marriage. I will highlight only a few here.

  • When you are married you have an available sex partner. You do not have to call a service or go through the whole process of convincing someone to have sex with you. You have already gone through this process. (You do need to maintain a good marriage and that is easier then starting over all the time.)
  • When married you do not have to pay for sex either. I know, some of you will joke and say you pay plenty but the reality is you are investing in your marriage which will produce many benefits for you, your spouse, and your children. Why pay $4000 dollars to have sex with someone who does not already know what pleases you most, who can give you a disease, and who can ruin your career and personal life?
  • The married person has more frequent sex. Imagine paying that $4000 two or three or more times per week.
  • The married person has more satisfying sex. When you are married you have time to learn what pleases one another. You do not get this knowledge from a prostititue. Those who say they use a prostititue for variety could have the same variety at home if they wanted and put the effort into their relationship.

Here are some tips to having a great sex life with your spouse:

  • Remain faithful to your spouse.
  • Treat your spouse kindly and with respect everyday.
  • Have sex with your spouse frequently.
  • Take time to enjoy your sex life. Set the mood and leisurely enjoy each other.
  • Never underestimate the power of a quickie with your spouse.
  • Try new positions.
  • Try new places (get out of the bedroom once in a while).
  • Make sexually pleasing your spouse a priority for you.
  • Be REAL everyday.

A REAL marriage helps you have better sex which helps you keep your marriage REAL.

Fix the Economy – Invest in your Marriage

It appears that the economy is becoming a major issue for those running for president. Many Americans are concerned about the economy at this time. One of the things the candidates are not addressing is how good marriages impact the economy. One way to improve our economy is to invest in our marriages.

  • The Federal and state governments spend an estimated $100 billion each year in social services related to divorce and marital breakdown.
  • Marital success is correlated with many measures of social stability – such as better mental and physical health, highter productivity in the workplace, lower crime and less violent crime – and Marriage Education skills are known to correlate with marital success.
  • Parents’ marital stability is correlated with positive outcomes for their children. The positive benefits for children include higher academic achievement, lower teen pregnancy rates, lower rates of delinquency, lower rates of drug and alcohol abuse, and better overall health. Marriage Education fosters marital stability.
  • Research shows that the use of a scientifically valid inventory, such as PREPARE for premarital couples or ENRICH for married couples, has a positive impact on marriage.
  • For premarital couples it has been found that even 8 hours of preparation positively impacts a couples marriage and reduces divorce.
  • This information and specific references can be found in this report. This file is 3MB so it may take a while to download.

Whether you are thinking about getting married or are already married then premarital or marital education is an investment in your marriage, your health, and your bank account. We can save billions of dollars every year by investing in our marriages. Here are a few tips on investing in your marriage.

  • Get premarital education before getting married.
  • Pay for a friend’s premarital education as a wedding gift.
  • Enroll in a marriage mentoring program to be mentored and, if you have been married 5 or more years then consider becoming a mentor couple also.
  • Consider marriage coaching to help your marriage be even better.
  • Attend a marriage seminar, retreat, class, or workshop at least once a year.
  • If you are a blended family then address your special situation with a blended family seminar.
  • Read a marriage related book at least once a year. Click here for a list to get you started.
  • Be aware of other resources. Check the resources section of this website and the blogroll.

The above is a good start for investing in your marriage. You can make a difference in your marriage, your personal economy, and the national economy by investing in your marriage. Invest in your marriage daily and you will build a REAL Marriage.

Be a Loving Devoted Husband

Thanks to a comment made to a recent blog entry, I have discovered another blog, www.lovingdevotedhusband.com. This blog is written by a husband of twenty four plus years. Please check out his blog for practical tips on being a loving devoted husband. Paul has the experience and is living the life of a loving devoted husband. Follow his advice and it will help you be a REAL husband who builds a REAL marriage.

Make a Note to Love Your Spouse book is published

Many of you use the REAL love note tips each week. Now you can buy the book on how to Make a Note to Love Your Spouse. The book is available in the REAL Store, on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Powells. Be sure to get a copy for yourself and a copy to give to those friends of yours who are getting married. Another option is to go to the brick and mortar store and have them order it for you (it may catch the interest of the people in the store).

I would also appreciate it if you wrote a review of the book on the site from which you buy it.

Most of all, I would like you to use the book to motivate and inspire you in your making, writing, and delivering of REAL Love Notes.

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