REAL Faithfulness Tips

REAL Faithfulness Tip #19

If you are attrarcted to another person tell your spouse and ask him or her to help you understand it and meet those needs in an appropriate way.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #18

Keep old flames from reigniting.

Always be careful around people you dated, were romantically involved with, or engaged to before you were married. That flame died for a reason so do not let it flare up again and burn your marriage.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #17

Only do things that you are comfortable doing if they are publicly known.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL Marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #16

If you are doing something you feel you need to lie about – STOP! This is a warning from your conscience.

Staying faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #15

When talking about marriage problems with same sex friends, make sure you are looking for ways to do what is right instead of complaining about your spouse.

We cannot change others, only influence them. We influence well when we take personal responsibility for ourselves and our actions.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #14

Do not talk about problems you are having with your spouse with someone of the opposite sex.

Have a friend of you and your marriage of the same sex to go to when you need to talk about difficulties in your marriage. Someone who is your friend and a friend of your marriage will listen with compassion, help you take responsibility for your part of the marriage, and guide you in doing things that are good for your marriage even if you do not like it. This person is not afraid to tell you the problem lies with you.

When you speak to someone of the opposite sex about problems in your marriage you run the risk of getting needs met from the person you are talking to when those needs should be met by your spouse. The same sex friend will help you address getting your needs met with your spouse. The opposite sex friend could end up being part of the problem.

Will there automatically be more problems if you talk to an opposite sex friend? No. Do not take the chance though. Remember that when you are having problems you are more vulnerable and that caring ear from someone else may mean more to you then you intended and lead you where you had not planned. This is why we make a proactive plan up front.

Does this mean you cannot have an opposite sex therapist? No. Therapists are trained to draw boundaries in these situations. My personal preference though is that if it is a marital problem that the two of you go together. By going together you automatically have a check and balance and you are more likely to work out the issue between the two of you instead of getting sidetracked by possible feelings for someone else.

Staying faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #13

Recognize that work is a dangerous place when it comes to staying faithful.

In clinical samples studies indicate that 46% to 62% of people involved in an affair met their affair partner at work. Be careful how you treat relationships at work and always keep them on a respectful and professional level. Make sure to speak kindly about your spouse often at work and keep those marriage symbols visible.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #12

Be honest always.

Honesty is also Romantic, Encouraging, and Loving. If you were looking for Adaptable I did not want to give the idea you can adapt the truth. When you are honest though, it smooths the way for you to work together through anything in your marriage.

Staying faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #11

Maintain appropriate boundaries in all situations.

Each couple will need to figure out these boundaries. Think about the boundaries you want around what you say to whom, where you go with whom, and what kind of touch is okay with whom. For example it is okay to tell others how wonderful your spouse is but it is not a good idea to talk about problems you are having with your spouse with someone of the opposite sex. It is okay for you and your spouse to go out to eat with others and not a good idea for you to go out to eat with someone of the opposite sex alone (family members are an exception). It is okay to shake hands with others in public (guys should wait for the woman to offer to shake hands – yes, this is an old-fashioned idea, but it is polite) yet it is not okay to place your hands on members of the opposite sex where under garments would normally cover.

Remaining faithful is essential to maintaining your REAL marriage.

REAL Faithfulness Tip #10

Maintain an active and enjoyable sex life with your spouse.

The following tips pertain to sex with your spouse:

  1. Have sex regularly.
  2. Realize that there are different speeds to sex from “the quickie” to all night sex sessions.
  3. Realize there are many reasons to have sex such as, to show love, to enjoy physical pleasure, to give or receive comfort, to maintain your marriage, to please your spouse, and others.
  4. Get out of the bedroom sometimes when having sex. Try sex in the bathroom, living room, kitchen, etc.
  5. Vary the positions you use.
  6. Be adventurous.
  7. Get away to a special place or at least out of the house once in a while.
  8. Involve all of your senses.
  9. Tell your spouse what you like and do not like.
  10. Tell your spouse clearly and polietely what you would like sexually.

Remaining faithful is essential to your REAL marriage.

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